Monday, July 25, 2005

What kind of mom are you?

Before I had kids, I used to teach and babysit - a lot. And watching these children born of others, I had certain standards in mind that I knew I would uphold to. Now, after being a mom for five years, and pregnant almost three of those, I can honestly say I have not truly stuck to any of those standards. My kids watch way too many videos and cartoons(and no I didn't preview them all before plopping my kids in front of them), they whine, and yes I have yelled at them and spanked them more in anger than love. Yikes! I hate that I've done these things, and just because I've sucumbed, does not mean that I've changed my standards. It just means that I'm still sinful and still weak, although at least a little more sanctified than before I had the kids - I think. In my mind I envision me having structure and orderliness everyday. Meals served on time and with the table beautifully set. TV turned off or thrown away, and me on the floor reading to the smiling children. I think in my head, we're all running around the country side in curtains turned into dresses and singing - if I'm honest :). But then along comes a little thing like a fallen nature and perfectly manicured nails that tie little ones shoelaces, turn into jagged nails throwing a pair of velcro sandals at the kids while you try and get poop out of the carpet. But, I try not to get discouraged too much but press on towards the goal that is set before me. And I sing my psalms a lot more asking God to hear my cry and knowing that He does and knowing that He loves me like I really was that dream lady.

5 comments:

Kim said...

Hi Emily... I just saw your blog from the MOMYS board... Im kimndaven5 there. The "reformed" part caught my eye;-) When I came to your blog I was stunned to see the Scotland pics as my husband and I just returned from a missions trip there Monday. We were in Burrellton which is a little village just N of Perth. We are reformed in Alabama and now share your love of bonnie Scotland. ;-) I think if it is ok I'd like to keep reading your blog! :-)

Duchess of Fife said...

Welcome, Kim! Thanks for stopping by. I don't get a chance to post as much as I'd like to nowadays because we're in the middle of buying a house, and shipping my husband's movie, and then of course raising four kids :), but please keep in touch! Your family is gorgeous, thanks for sharing the pic. I'm trying not to covet your trip to Scotland as it's been years since I've been there. My husband's family is in Hamilton outside of Glasgow, and also Aberdeen. God bless!

Kim said...

Wow, of all the even stranger things... I dont know if you saw my post that was on the MOMYs board... but we lost a son, John Knox, this week preterm at 17 weeks. I didnt even see that you had a Knox until this morning. Wow.

Duchess of Fife said...

Oh, Kim! I saw that on the MOMYs board but didn't realize that was you! Your story really stuck out in my mind because of the name obviously. Our third child is named Knox(after John Knox)Moshe(after my dh's close friend that passed away). We've always admired the first John Knox and were able to visit his home and grave site in Scotland. It was one of the first places we visited as an engaged couple. I'm very sorry that you will not be able to get to know your John Knox here on earth, but I pray you will find comfort in knowing that he is in heaven with our dear Lord and that you will one day be together praising Him in joy and with no more tears. For now though, I mourn with you in your loss. May God's comfort be very near to you all now. In Christ, Emily

Kim said...

Thank you. :*-)