Before I had kids, I used to teach and babysit - a lot. And watching these children born of others, I had certain standards in mind that I knew I would uphold to. Now, after being a mom for five years, and pregnant almost three of those, I can honestly say I have not truly stuck to any of those standards. My kids watch way too many videos and cartoons(and no I didn't preview them all before plopping my kids in front of them), they whine, and yes I have yelled at them and spanked them more in anger than love. Yikes! I hate that I've done these things, and just because I've sucumbed, does not mean that I've changed my standards. It just means that I'm still sinful and still weak, although at least a little more sanctified than before I had the kids - I think. In my mind I envision me having structure and orderliness everyday. Meals served on time and with the table beautifully set. TV turned off or thrown away, and me on the floor reading to the smiling children. I think in my head, we're all running around the country side in curtains turned into dresses and singing - if I'm honest :). But then along comes a little thing like a fallen nature and perfectly manicured nails that tie little ones shoelaces, turn into jagged nails throwing a pair of velcro sandals at the kids while you try and get poop out of the carpet. But, I try not to get discouraged too much but press on towards the goal that is set before me. And I sing my psalms a lot more asking God to hear my cry and knowing that He does and knowing that He loves me like I really was that dream lady.